I’m pretty fucked up.
I’ve accepted the fact, ever since my friend back in high school committed suicide three months before graduation.
I’ve become somebody who puts everyone else’s happiness before their own. Most of the time, no matter how tired and how fed up I am with helping others, I do it anyways. I’d rather have someone I care about be alive than for me to be my happiest.
I don’t want to feel the same guilt with the people I currently care about that I’ve been feeling for the last 2 and 1/2 years. I’m making up for all those times I was ignorant and unobservant of others’ emotions by being overzealous now.
Is it healthy? No. Will I keep being this way? Yea.