(late night procrastinating on studying post)
I was watching a short film by Bertie Gilbert and Sammy Paul called “Blue Sushi”. It’s the most accurate portrayal of a transman I’ve watched. It’s fucking brilliant. It really is. Search it up on YouTube. Watch it. Love it.
This film will go down in my history as one of the most important films I’ve ever watched because it helped me figure out my gender identity. One of my best friends helped too.
Thing is, I’ve never felt like a girl, like a woman, or like a female in general. My parents used to call me out for acting too much like a boy at times, and I was always like “whatever, I’m not hurting anyone, I’ll act how I want”. Because my parents never forced me to dress a certain way, I’ve ended up developing an androgynous style (lots of button downs. I own 5 or 6. I wear everything with button downs). My personality is quite un-female too (if a personality can even be gendered).
Female beauty trends and fashion trends never appealed to me. I love makeup, don’t get me wrong, but I never bothered with the contouring, highlighting, strobing, or even the colour correcting trend. Makeup shouldn’t hide my natural features just for me to put them back on more harshly with makeup.
But anyways, all of this has helped me figure out that I’m GENDERQUEER. Or genderfluid or gender nonconforming. To me, they all describe my gender equally well.
However, I still go by she/her. Because I hate the pressure for genderqueer people to use they/them. I feel like it’s horribly impersonal, so I won’t be using it.
This new realization makes me happier with myself than I’ve ever been.