What I have learned from not dressing feminine from a young age

Ever since I became old enough to style myself, I have never dressed “feminine”. I would go to the mall with my mom and argue with her over a shirt that I loved but she thought would make me look like a boy. Most of the time, I won.

Now, my mom never really fought with me over my clothing choices because I had a horrible sense of style. No, she fought with me because she wanted me to dress girly. She’d point to frilly camisoles or flowery dresses in the shop windows in hopes that I’d want to try them on. I never did.

So, for the last 8 years, I’ve lived in skinny jeans, t-shirts and sweaters. I can’t walk in heels to save my life.

I didn’t really look too much into it in high school, mostly because I didn’t care how I looked. I mean, come on, it’s high school, it’s a hell hole where you spend 5 years goofing off and praying you got in a post-secondary institution. I had a great group of friends, I became close to a few wonderful teachers, I graduated with honours.

However, now that I think back on it, the way I am dressed combined with my personality (bubbly, excitable, chill, aggressive and defensive when I have to be), I blend easily and very well with the “guys”. Most of my guy friends consider me a “bro” (hate that term but it fits) and use me as their girl advice guru, which I am okay with.

Now that I’m turning 20 years old this year and is still hoplessly single, I’m starting to wonder if the way I dress affects me not having any sort of a romantic life.

YUP. YUP. YUP. I definitely think it has an effect on my non-existenet love life. Especially since I’ve got pixie cut too. I’m quite cuddly with a couple of my female friends as well. All of the above reasons probably cause men to think I’m a lesbian. Guys never approach me, and most of the time, I am too pathetic to approach a guy.

All of this makes me wonder, why is dressing androgynous so frowned upon in society? Why does it repel most guys? Why are short hair and wearing collared shirts considering to be lesbian characteristics?

I know the answer to these questions. We all do. These are what society has taught us to believe, so we do. But isn’t it time to step out of this box and realize that physical appearance has nothing to do with sexuality and very little to do with personality? We could hate hanging out with guys and love talking about the newest episode of The Bachelor but toe the line when dressing. Or wear dresses everyday and hang out with guys 24/7 and talk sports.




  1. I mostly wear jeans/sweatpants and a t-shirt. I’ve hooked up with guys by being blatant aka “you wanna hook up” so that’s the main route I know of. That being said, most guys your age are immature and you sound mature so the guy you’d like to attract may not be where you are (space and/or time).
    P.s. directing them to this post may also work. best of luck!



  2. I’ve had this problem for most of my life. I still haven’t come up with an answer beyond dressing for my own comfort and professional respect and relying on friends for the emotional connections when men get all skittish.



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