Dear decent human being, at least let’s hope you’re a decent human being, don’t do things that make you seem a lot less decent than you are. I don’t want to have to show you the door/window/skylight and make you leave.
Why would I show you the nearest way out? Oh, I don’t know, doing something thats on my list of pet peeves? What are my pet peeves you say? Good question, here are five of them.
1. You complain of being in the FRIENDZONE. Someone you like turned you down, and only like you as a friend. You should be thankful they still want to keep you in their life, that they still value your friendship. For you to not value that and moan on and on about how you would be perfect for them and how it’s so unfair that they turned you down, I have one thing to say to you, “Stop being a whiny little bitch and move on. Obviously she/he wasn’t the one, and you will find the one in the future.” It’s quite alright to be a bit hungover when someone turns you down, but no one needs to hear your egotistic moaning”
2. You hog the empty bus seat next to you by putting your bag on it when the bus is so full an old lady could fall and die from the way she’s swaying like a paper doll. Put the bag on your lap, or on the floor in front of you, there’s space. Give that seat to the old lady so she can live to see another glorious day.
3. “Depression isn’t real, you’re just making up excuses.” Excuse me? I can’t believe you’re this ignorant. Depression exists, it’s real, and it affects more people than you think it does. I suggest you stop being an ignorant asshole and do some research before telling others your opinion on this matter so we don’t label you as an ignorant idiot.
4. When you don’t text back for several days in a row. Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you were the Queen of England and is so busy you don’t have the time to send a couple sentences back. You have a phone, you have a text plan, use them.
5. Gay marriage is legal in the United States of America and has been legal in Canada for ten years now. If you still think it’s wrong and use the God as your excuse, then get out of my sight. I believe in marriage equality for all and I don’t make friends with homophobes.