Guilt that I shouldn’t be feeling

Lately, well not really-ever since last March, I’ve been feeling immense amounts of guilt and it’s been eating away at me slightly. I know I shouldn’t be feeling like this because it’s not my fault but I do anyways.

I keep on thinking “what if”? What if I had been a better friend? What if I tried harder to not let him go? What if I pulled harder at my end?
Would I have changed anything? Would the outcome of events be any different?

I’m also having conscious horrible daydreams about friends getting into car crashes. So obviously this has affected me deeply.



8:30 AM Calculus Classes

Who the fuck decided that making students get up at at the crack of dawn (it is the crack of dawn, the sun is still rising when I get my lazy ass out of bed) is a good idea? My brain isn’t even on at 7am in the morning…

I dont think my professor’s brain is even awake. He “ummmmm”s a lot during class, like he is trying to find the right words to say / not fuck up teaching the material.

There should be a petition to move all 8:30am math classes later, say 9:30 or 10:30?



I know this topic has long died down in the YouTube community, and people aren’t really talking about it anymore, but last night, I clicked on a few videos on this topic that people made. One of them was Evan Edinger’s heartbreaking video where he talked about Alex Days, Sam Pepper and Jason (veeoneeye). I don’t know the feeling of betrayal (small betrayals, yes, I do know the feeling, but nothing as big as Evan’s), and I hope I never will know that feeling, but watching Evan talk about people he formerly looked up to, just made me feel so sad.

While watching Dodie Clark’s (doddleoddle) video, I was reading through the comments. I came across two people in the comments saying things that were SO UTTERLY WRONG. it’s scary how twisted their outlook on sexual abuse is. I really hope their outlook on life isn’t this bad.

We’re living in the 21st century, and people (such as the people in the comments) still think that a guy and a girl cannot sleep in the same bed, without sexual things happening. Hell, people still don’t think a guy and a girl can be good friends / best friends without a relationship or sexual tension forming.

The two people in the comments are able to excuse sexual harassment due to a girl and a guy sleeping in the same bed. It’s okay for a guy to touch a girl inappropriately, because they’re sleeping in the same bed. The guy is bound to have feelings of sexual tension, so if he touches a girl without CONSENT, it’s totally okay.

Many people in the world, no, not just feminists, but everyone, knows and enforces that A PERSON CAN ONLY CONSENT TO DOING ANYTHING WITH YOU IF SHE USES HER WORDS AND SAYS “YES”

GODAMMIT, how do people still not get that?

A girl lying extremely still and not moving away when a guy touches her does not mean YES at all!!!! She’s scared to move, because she fears that if she moves, something even worse might occur.

Getting a girl intoxicated does not mean YES either, because her mind has been clouded by alcohol! She CANNOT give consent anymore! If you have sex with her, even if she says yes, is rape, because her intoxicated mind is not the same as her sober mind, her saying yes could have her waking up in the morning, and a) not remembering a thing or b) regretting it immensely.